Motherhood is the practice of holding two truths at the same time.
A detail I remember from reading Gabrielle Hamilton’s Blood, Bones and Butter is that at some point during her shift, she strapped her baby on her back and continued working at Prune, the cult restaurant she ran for over 20 years in the East Village. That image has flickered on and off in my brain ever since, especially after having a child myself.
A woman opening, operating, and cooking in a restaurant while having a child at any point in the process is a story of hard work, resilience, and true love—the good riding alongside the bad. I opened Mina’s at MoMA PS1 when my son was two, so I am no stranger to the experience. If I had to sum it up, it would go something like this: When I was at the restaurant, every cell in my body was yelling through a loudspeaker to Go home! Be with my child! Then when I was with my child, I was popping my gum, twirling my hair, tapping my watch until I could go back to the restaurant. There was no end to things that needed my attention.
Because the moments I had with my son at the restaurant will forever be some of the hardest and some of the best, I wanted to explore this duality and celebrate with some of the most amazing restaurant mamas in the biz.
It turns out women raising kids and running restaurants share a few mantras: Stay present, good food is important, and community is everything.
Donna Lennard, of the Il Buco restaurants in New York and the Hamptons
What’s the most challenging part of having a restaurant and having children at the same time?
Surely dividing my time between work and family. I was lucky because when Joaquin was born in 2005, Il Buco was already 11 years old. We had a strong team and we were running well. I also lived above the restaurant and I was able to jump back and forth easily. Clearly, you need time and energy for your little one, so the balancing act continues as they grow. When we opened Alimentari, Joaquin was 5. The juggling act became more complex as the demands of a new ambitious project took time and energy. My husband helped, as did Joaquin’s dad, but there is always the pull to be more present with my child.
What’s been the biggest joy?
Having the embrace of the Il Buco family around my son—his extended restaurant family both at Il Buco and at his dad’s restaurant and catering [business]. Joaquin got used to being in community at an early age. He also developed a comfort around people of all ages as well as quite a palate!
What’s your favorite trick of the trade?
Living above Il Buco I was able to bring my powerful monitor downstairs as Joaquin slept, and grab a drink or snack at the bar or simply drop in to say hi and keep tabs on my kiddo!
Does your child have a favorite dish at the restaurant?
I hired Nacho [Ignacio Mattos] just before giving birth and ate his kale salad everyday up until delivery and all through the breastfeeding months. Joaquin loved it immediately, and it has been his favorite dish ever since!
Does your own mother play a role in your life and in your restaurants?
My mom was home with us growing up. She started us on TV dinners and SpaghettiOs, but then got impassioned with cooking and took classes and became a great home cook. She was fully present and much like one of us girls—I have two sisters. I’m happy to still have that kind of close relationship with my son, who’s 21.
Ann Redding, of Thai Diner and Mommy Pai in New York
What’s been the most challenging part of having a restaurant and having children at the same time?
It’s changed over the years. Leo was born right as we were opening Uncle Boon’s Sister, so back then the challenge was surviving on no sleep while pumping, balancing two restaurants, and taking care of a newborn at the same time. Now that he’s 9, the challenge has shifted more to balancing my time. Matt and I are both workaholics by nature—and honestly by necessity as small business owners—so work can bleed into every hour of the day. The hardest part for me is knowing when to stop and give my son the full attention he deserves.
What’s been the biggest joy?
He’s worked several events with us and genuinely loves it. At one event he worked on the line for four straight hours and refused to take a break because he “didn’t want to disrupt the team.” He was 8. I was incredibly proud of his work ethic at that moment… Though honestly, I hope he chooses a much easier career path when he grows up 🙂
Does your child have a favorite dish at the restaurant?
He actually has his own item on the kids menu: Leo’s Roti Pizza. He’s extremely proud of it. Whenever his friends come to the restaurant and order it, he lights up. He’s constantly asking me what other kids think of it and whether they liked it.
How does your own mother play a role in your life and in your restaurants?
My mom is an excellent cook and really sparked my interest in food from a young age. We ate most meals at home, and she made almost everything from scratch, so cooking was always a huge part of my life growing up. When we recently opened our Thai fried chicken spot—coincidentally one of my mom’s favorite foods—we named it Mommy Pai after her.
Camille Becerra, former chef of As You Are, Casa Pueblo, De Maria, and more, currently working on opening a hybrid café, provisions line, and research studio
What’s the most challenging part of having a restaurant and having children at the same time?
Honestly, money. As a single mom, the pressure is real. Chef salaries are modest, especially for women and I wasn’t able to set up savings. So in the in-between moments between restaurant jobs, it was a lot of lentil soup, rice, and beans just to get by.
What’s been the biggest joy?
Her palate. She can sense what a dish needs. She eats well and genuinely enjoys food, she treats quality, cared-for food as her birthright.
Does your child have a favorite dish at the restaurant (or at home/past restaurant)?
My daughter became a moules-frites fan for life after one restaurant visit when she was 5 years old. She would approach a table with her hook, “Do you like cats or dogs?” when they answered she would sit right down and ask for a fry and mussel. Everyone was on heavy patrol to prevent this.
How does your own mother play a role in your life and in your restaurants?
I was lucky to be from New York, so both of my daughter’s grandparents were nearby. They helped care for her on weekends, and without that support I wouldn’t have been able to keep working or take the time I needed to recharge.
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