“It’s weird how much you like to suck my dick,” actor Haley Lu Richardson reports from the pages of I’m Sad and Horny, her debut poetry collection out on November 4th. The work is a torrent of heartbreak—replete with sensual encounters both imagined and vividly real—and meditations on mental acuity that marks the actor’s first step away from performance.
Richardson exploded into mainstream fame as Portia, the hapless but dedicated foil to Jennifer Coolidge’s flamboyant and addled heiress in season two of The White Lotus, after quieter turns in coming-of-age indies and thrillers like Split and the Edge of Seventeen. The book collects years’ worth of the actor’s off-kilter odes and loved-and-lost musings, pairing them with photography and illustrations compiled by Richardson’s longtime friend Lily Jade Kravetz.
For Starter Pack, the Richardson bares it all—from the mess and the sex to the journaling habits.
Let’s start at the beginning. What is the saddest thought you’ve had while producing this book, and what is the horniest?
The saddest theme that’s come up for me is: Will this ever end? Will I ever stop loving you? Does anyone like me? That’s definitely the darkest thought—not having any hope. The horniest? One poem in the book is called Safe at the Coliseum, which is fully a sex poem. That memory gets me going, so that’s nice.
Where should readers start with I’m Sad and Horny?
The theme of the poems is this messy journey—it’s not linear at all. It’s kind of amazing and horribly hilarious how the saddest and horniest poems are sandwiched together..
Can you reflect on any of the craziest lines from the book that we should keep an eye out for?
I think an absurd line in the book is a quote from a poem called “American Horror Story.” It goes, “I always thought it was weird how much you like to suck my dick,” which was something I was told in a breakup. So that I will never understand. Good luck to that man.
How did you get your start in the entertainment industry?
My first actual job was in a commercial for Sylvan Learning Center in Arizona. It’s a tutoring program, and I was the star of the commercial. I had no lines, I had an arc—my character was struggling to get her homework done, and then she was getting As!
Who would you start a band with?
If I had musical ability, I would love to be in boygenius. I’m kind of in love with all of them. Phoebe [Bridgers] is my favorite artist ever. I don’t quite know if I’m as cool as the three of them, so I don’t know if they would accept me.
How do you like to start a party?
Decorations. I’m big about decorating and theme. I go really hard for Christmas and Halloween, I’m going to Home Goods like every other day to get these decorations. I’m not really a cook, so I’ll definitely get it catered.
Haley Lu Richardson’s Starter Pack
- Ceremonial grade matcha powder — “I love the way it makes me feel. Coffee gives me diarrhea and acid reflux, and matcha doesn’t give me acid reflux or diarrhea. So that’s good.”
- My bathtub — “Does a bathtub count as an item? I would take three baths a day if it didn’t use too much water.”
- A pool — “If I’m in a funk, I just take off all my clothes and jump in the pool. I guess I just like bowls of water.”
- My cat — “He can tell when I wake up from the noise my eyelashes make when they open. Really, I swear. No matter where he is in the house, he runs in and jumps on the bed.”
- A journal — “I’m more of an end-of-day journaler, but sometimes I wake up and just have a stream of consciousness about my dreams or anxieties.”
in your life?
